Copper has an exchange program with PMA magazine of Canada (and other publications), where we share articles, including this one.
Let’s get one thing straight: audio quality starts with the chair. Sure, you’ve been brainwashed into thinking it’s the speakers, the amps, or the acoustics of your room that matter most. Wrong. The Perfect Listening Chair™ (PLC) is the only thing standing between you and auditory nirvana. And, friends, this isn’t just any chair. This is a Precision-Level Calibration system, scientifically engineered by the world’s leading chair engineers.
Turns out, every major technological breakthrough—from space exploration to supersonic jets—starts with the chair. Think about it: you’re not gonna successfully pilot a spaceship to Mars while sitting cross-legged on the floor, right? That’s why the Chair Engineering Division (CED) at NASA has been optimizing seats for decades. NASA knows that true breakthroughs don’t just happen with rocket engines and heat shields—sometimes, it’s the chair that makes all the difference. Just like Velcro, freeze-dried food, and memory foam, all born from NASA’s innovations, their advancements in seating technology have filtered into everyday life.
So naturally, when it came to designing the ultimate audiophile experience, we turned to the elite minds of chair science to develop the Perfect Listening Chair™. The same cutting-edge research that’s gone into astronaut seating now comes home to your living room.
Your Body: A Walking, Breathing Disruption
Let’s face it—your body is the enemy of perfect sound. Every breath, every pulse, every little movement sends shockwaves of imperfection into your otherwise pristine listening environment. Your lungs? A pair of over-enthusiastic bellows, exhaling air in a chaotic stream of sound disturbance. Your stomach? A bubbling cauldron of gurgles and groans, fighting the acoustics like it’s auditioning for a role in a horror movie. And let’s not even talk about your heartbeat—that relentless thumping, a drumline no one asked for.
But fear not, the Perfect Listening Chair™ has it all covered. SubsonicBody Dampening™ neutralizes every organ’s auditory offenses. Those bellows you call lungs? Silenced. That grumbling stomach? Muted. Even your heart’s rhythm is integrated into the musical flow, transforming your body from a walking cacophony into a finely-tuned vessel for sound.
The Headrest: An Acoustical Masterpiece
Positioning is everything. That’s why the Neuro-Acoustic Head Dock™—the pinnacle of headrest design—does more than just support your neck. It aligns your head at the exact angle required for optimal sound reception, calibrated to the millimeter. Our engineers discovered that tiny, involuntary movements in your head, what we scientifically term BrainBounce™, can cause significant disruptions in sound clarity.
The headrest compensates for this by using CranialWave Compensation™, ensuring your ears remain perfectly aligned with your speakers. In essence, it transforms your head into the ultimate sound receptor, perfectly calibrated to your high-end system. And with Reverb Cancellation Padding™, those pesky soundwaves that might otherwise ricochet away are absorbed and repurposed, powering the chair’s built-in AutoAcoustiMassage™ system. Because why waste good vibrations when you can convert them into a full-body massage?
The Chair That Went Too Far
But we didn’t stop at just making the chair perfect. Oh no, we might have gone too far. You see, the Perfect Listening Chair™ is so advanced, so completely in tune with your body’s every movement, sound, and desire, that it creates an experience so perfect…you may never want to get up. And why would you? You’re cradled in acoustic perfection, massaged by surplus sound waves, your body temperature maintained in a climate-controlled cocoon of luxury. And then it hits you: Why would I ever want to leave? And therein lies the problem. People don’t just sit in the PLC—they become part of it.
Introducing The PLC-X – For Those Who Never Want to Get Up Again
Enter the next step in audiophile evolution: the PLC-X. This isn’t just a chair. It’s your forever chair. Equipped with Full-Mobility Integration™, the PLC-X allows you to move around your home—nay, the world—without ever leaving your seat. Featuring a sleek, remote-controlled base, the PLC-X glides effortlessly from room to room, ensuring you remain in a state of perfect acoustic harmony wherever you go.
Need to get to the kitchen? The PLC-X has a pre-programmed trajectory to avoid kitchen clatter that could ruin your listening experience. Heading to bed? No need—the chair reclines into a SleepSync™ Mode, where it mimics the perfect sleep posture while playing subtle binaural beats for ultimate relaxation. You are the chair now.
Sure, some might call this extreme. They might say, “But don’t I need to stand up, stretch, and move once in a while?” Well, not anymore. The PLC-X has you covered with integrated Neuro-Acoustic Muscle Stimulators™, gently firing electrical impulses to keep your muscles in peak condition without you ever having to leave the comfort of your seat. You’ll be in Olympic-level shape…without ever standing.
And for those with an insatiable appetite for sitting supremacy, the PLC-X Infinite™ is on the horizon, and it’s not just a chair—it’s your gateway to ultimate control. With HoloPresence™ 360, a full-body holographic projection surrounds you at all times, making it look like you’re standing, even when you’re reclining like a monarch. In meetings, concerts, or even casual conversations, you’ll appear fully upright, radiating power and presence without ever leaving your seat.
And that’s not all. Harness the mind-bending power of NeurAudioSync™, which lets you literally control soundwaves, manipulating conversations, music, even the environment around you with a mere thought. Telepathic commands? Easy. Want to change the song, call someone, or project your thoughts into someone else’s head? Just think it, and it’s done—no buttons, no voice commands, just pure mental mastery.
A cosplayer at the Fan Expo Canada 2017 event doing their impersonation of long-time PLC-X Infinite™ enthusiast Charles Xavier. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons/Nicholas Moreau.
